Tuesday, January 31, 2012

free falling without direction, or "random thoughts"

So, it's again been a while (like what, 8 months?) since I've written another post.  I haven't been busy, I've just been lazy.  Like, really lazy.  I've been doing nothing but surfing the internet, playing video games, and watching TV.

First things first, I quit my job back in May.  I was done.  Burnt out, the pay was low, my boss was leaving, it was summertime, I needed a break.  Unfortunately my break has been far too long.  It doesn't help of course that I've sort of had a revelation or conversion experience (of a political rather than religious nature) and the career path I wanted to pursue is no longer something I can truly go into with a clean conscience.  So here I am basically without any sense of direction in where I want to go.  And with that hopeless feeling has come laziness. I haven't applied to a job in over a month, I don't even check my email for job statuses anymore, I'm just bleh right now.

As far as dating goes, I'm pretty much exactly where I was when I started this blog and exactly where I was the last time I posted.  I met a few girls on my basketball team, two were pretty cute but nothing happened for a variety of reasons (mostly because I'm pretty gutless about women and dating).  A girl I used to work with gave me her phone number back in the summer, we made plans to meet up and have something to eat or whatever but whenever I made plans she always came up with some excuse as to why she couldn't make it.  Eventually I just stopped trying and cut off contact.  I've also de-activated my Okcupid account.  It wasn't doing anything for me and it felt hopeless.  A friend of mine claimed he wanted to set me up with some girl he knew, but that never materialized and I don't even want to deal with it anymore anyway.

So here I am, approaching my 24th birthday, single, a virgin (and kissless), unemployed and living at my parents house.  I'm about as far away from where I want to be as is humanly possible.