2013: A Year in Review

Ah, another lousy year for me.  I don't know how your's was, but I can add another 12 months to my pathetic existence.

The year started out with a funeral.  One of my good friends from college had a parent pass away.  I won't say which parent so as to not give this away, and the passing wasn't sudden, it was the end of a long illness.  So not surprising, but sad nonetheless.

February and March saw me really start to kick it into high gear with the fitness stuff.  Those were some pretty critical months since the winter is when I tend to crave carbs and loathe cardio more than normal.

In April I went to a fundraising event for a local tutoring company.  The company I work for was a sponsor so I had to make the rounds and be sociable.  Met a woman there, who was cute, but drunk.  I gave her my business card when she asked for it but I obviously never heard from her again.  For the best I suppose.

In May I went on the first date I'd been on since early 2011.  Met her from a dating site.  We had coffee in her neighborhood (which was a trek for me) and had a relatively nice time.  But, as I made my way home she emailed me on the website to tell me she wasn't interested in seeing me further.  You win some you lose some I guess.  Nice girl, shame it didn't work out.  I also saw Iron Man 3 in May.  An ok movie, but like Iron Man 2, nowhere near as good as the first movie.  The whole Avengers subplot has kind of ruined some of the Marvel movies I think.

June and July were pretty uneventful.  Went to some ball games, did some stuff, but nothing too spectacular.

August: saw The Wolverine.  Great movie, highly recommend it, especially now since it's out on DVD and BluRay.  I also got a job.  Started out well, but then got really shitty.  That's life I suppose.

September: had a great time at two ballgames.  Including one in which I got to take several friends with me.

October: went to the first Halloween party I've ever been to.  A lot of driving, and it was great to see my friends.  But it wasn't like I met any women or anything.

November: quit my shitty job, went back to my old one (with a raise at least).  Joined a new gym (which is a great gym by the way).

December: went to my friend's birthday dinner, got some good Christmas presents.  That's about it.

I'm still inexperienced.  Just FYI.  If any ladies want to kiss me I'm certainly down.  Just a kiss (maybe make out if you want to, but I'm just looking to have my first kiss).  I'd like to kiss a girl by the end of the year.  Which gives me what, a couple of days to get that done?  Ugh.

So, how was your year?  Shitty like mine?  Better than mine?  Did you actually kiss anyone? Let me know.

Question Time

So I've been dipping into my mail bag searching for good questions (as always, email me your questions at theinexpguy@gmail.com) and the one that pops up the most is "why are you so negative?".

Well, let me explain why.  I might not be the most experienced guy out there, but I've learned a few things here and there by observing people and relationships.  Granted, that can only teach you so much, but it reveals some things and can be very insightful.

People are shitty.  Not just in how they treat others, but also how they treat themselves.  I've seen men fall all over themselves trying to keep their wife or girlfriend happy even though they'd probably be better off ditching the situation.  I've seen women stick with true assholes despite the fact that they could get any man in the world.  And when I talk about "asshole" behavior, I'm not talking about "he didn't call at 5 pm like he said he would, he called at 5:15", I'm talking about things like he cheated or beat you up, or is a drunk deadbeat who got pulled over 3 times already for a DUI.

Obviously, it's the latter part that truly truly sticks in my crawl.  I can't tell you how many guys I've seen or heard about who have a truly great girlfriend or wife, but somehow feel the need to cheat on her.  And then, bizarrely, the woman in question invariably takes him back (often with excuses).  I mean you have got to be fucking kidding me.  That piece of trash can get multiple women pining for him and I'm lucky if I get a date once a year?  That's the kind of stuff that really bothers me.  And it's why I often don't bother approaching women because I feel like I'm not that guy.  I'm not going to cause you drama or cheat on you or whatever and that makes me boring, it makes me not a challenge and not a good catch.  It doesn't matter how much we have in common or how good looking I may or may not be, I'm just not the kind of guy that inspires that kind of real attraction.

In fact, it's not just inspiring attraction.  I have a hard time getting women to want to go out on a date, talk on the phone, skype, etc.  It's really like pulling teeth.  I've never asked for naked pics, never sent naked pics, and on all my messages on dating sites I offer more than just a "hey how are you?" type of message.  I always feel like I'm an annoyance rather than welcome attention.  Maybe if I was more of an asshole, or more of a threat to cheat or whatever I'd have better luck.

I know some of you will shake your head at this.  And that's fine.  I understand I have a small sample size, etc.  But it's an undeniable fact that I'm still single, as I have been for my entire adult life, and I've yet to meet a real douchey guy who had trouble getting dates.  So if you want to know why I'm so negative, that's why.

As always feel free to email, comment, tweet me, submit questions via facebook or tumblr.

A Rather Negative Post

I recently had a conversation with someone over relationship/romantic inexperience.  I revealed that I had not kissed a girl and I was 25 years old, and how they would feel about a hypothetical 25 year old kissless virgin.

Her reaction was something along the lines of "whoever you end up with one day will find it sweet that she's your first kiss", etc.

I'm sorry, I have to say it's bullshit.  Most women my age expect an experienced man.  Not necessarily a sex god of some sort, but that he at least knows what he's doing when it comes to kissing, holding hands, being in a relationship, etc.  I know because I've had women tell me as much.  If a woman finds out a guy has never kissed she'll head for the hills as quickly as humanly possible.

I know, I know, not every single woman would react that way.  There might be a handful here or there who are sexually inexperienced themselves (for various reasons) who might prefer inexperienced men, but honestly that's so few and far between.  We're talking about most women, and by "most" I mean somewhere along the lines of 90% or more.

I appreciate words of encouragement, or at least, I appreciate the motivation behind them.  But, I really don't like people who want to give me (or anyone else) false hope.  I know being older and inexperienced is weird.  I know it turns women off a lot.  I don't need you telling me some girl will find it "sweet".  Let's be real here: ain't no one going to find that sweet.

Race and Dating Post #985 (or something)

Anyone who has read this blog understands that I don't have this problem, but really, is there something inherently evil about wanting to date your own race?  

I ask this because it's a recurring theme I read on the popular blog Nice Guys of Okcupid.  It's supposedly a sign of douchbaggery if you say on your profile that you'd strongly prefer to date someone of your own race or ethnicity.  

Now, I get it.  It's great to be open minded and open to dating anyone.  It really is.  And obviously me being strongly into non-white women I can't imagine strongly preferring to date someone from my own ethnic background.  But, lots of people have all kinds of standards.  Hair color, height, income level, education, political views, musical tastes, drinking vs non-drinking lifestyle, religion, why is it any less legitimate to prefer someone of your own racial background?  

I know the obvious answer is that such an attitude is merely a dog whistle for racism.  I'm not convinced though.  Sure, some people might just be racist, but a lot of people are just not attracted to people from different races.  And obviously some people aren't attracted to their own race.  It's the differences that make this world great.  

From what it looks like Nice Guys of Okcupid has a bit of an ideological bent.  So perhaps this is just a result of someone grinding an ax.  But I want to know: is there anything wrong with preferring to date your own race?  Or even preferring to date other races?  

I'm just not seeing the boogie man here.  But maybe I'm not seeing something...

For Those Starting or Going Back to School

Well, I've decided on the book I'm going to write.  It's going to be an advice book for young people, in particular those going off to college (so either 18 year old high school graduates or slightly older people getting ready to transfer from community college to a four year university).  I hope to have it finished and available for sale by March or April 2014.  So we'll see what happens.

For now, I"ll give you guys just a taste of what that book will contain with this post, which as far as I'm aware is the first time on this blog where I will dispense advice rather than solicit it.  In honor of this being the first day of school for many students, I'm going to give some advice for high school and college kids.

High School:

If you're a Freshman, just make it through.  Get good grades, have fun enjoy yourself.  This is about as awkward a time you will have in high school.  Don't sweat it, most people won't remember half the stuff they did Freshman year and the other half will find it amusing.

Sophomores and Juniors: continue to get good grades.  Don't take too many AP classes or join too many clubs or play every sport just because you think it will look good on your college resume.  Just join the ones you care about.  Pay attention in English class, even if you hate the books you have to read, knowing what they're about is a pretty good thing to know and the ability to write is a crucial skill.

Seniors: this is the best time you'll have in high school.  For me, I had early release everyday (getting out at 2 instead of 3:30 was great) and finally had a good circle of friends and teachers who knew and liked me (and not in the "suckup" kind of way either).

For all of you, I suggest not getting too caught up in any guys or girls.  If you find one you like, cool.  If not, it's no big deal.  You'll meet a lot more people as you grow up.

College:

I know it's a little late for some of you guys reading this, since most US schools started about 2-3 weeks ago.  Assuming anyone is reading this.  Interestingly enough, most of the advice I gave to high schoolers applies to you too.

Don't be so uptight, don't take yourself too seriously, and don't worry about sex.  Also, most people you meet aren't half as confident as they appear to be.  So don't be intimidated by them.  Join some fun sounding clubs (like tennis club for example) and just relax.  It's an easier time than high school for sure.

The Quarter-Life Crisis

Feeling a bit melancholy today, which is not entirely unusual for me.  I got a job (orientation was today), for those of you who remember that I last worked in the early summer of 2011.  It's a sales associate position, same kind I had before, just with a different company.  It's "full time", in that I'll get somewhere between 35 and 40 hours per week, but it's hourly not salary, and still not enough to live on my own.  But it's money, so here I am.

This post today is more about how, I don't know, sad I feel.  I feel overqualified for this job.  I feel like I'm wasting my time doing it.  I don't want to be in retail, but I don't feel like I have a choice, you know?  Between this and the quite obvious problem I have with my love life, I feel like my life is no where like what I imagined it would be at this point.

I thought I'd go into public policy, like a think tank or government work.  And then maybe head into academia.  I had a bit of a falling out, and to be honest my grades kind of slipped due to what I think was/is probably depression.  Regardless, I'm not at the stage of life I thought I'd be.

I really need help figuring out how to get a career.  I really don't want to be in retail sales, I'd much prefer to be doing something where I could use my (hopefully superb) intellect and creativity.  I cringe at the thought of starting work for this company.

On top of all that, I'm going to be working full time and it won't even be enough to live independently.  I think I could at least sacrifice happiness for self-sufficiency.

In any case, I feel down tonight.  I don't see how that's going to change.

So readers, are you where you thought you'd be?  Any advice for a aspiring young professional, without any actual, um, professional experience?

It's More Than A Feeling

I forgot how this felt.  That sort of knot in your stomach, lump in your throat, feel like a 12 year old, nervous wreck.  That feeling.  It's been a while.

Most of my interactions with women in the romantic realm consisted of reading dating profiles on Okcupid and sending messages out, hoping I said the right words or was just witty enough to warrant a response.  Aside from driving you insane, that kind of approach sucks a lot of fun out of the world.  It really turns dating into a job hunt.  Blech.

That said, I'd like to think I'm at the age where you stop having crushes and you start you know, actually acting on your feelings.  That magical transformation that occurs sometime between middle school and middle age.

So I guess you could say I have a crush on someone.  First time I've ever really been able to forget about the girl who broke my heart almost 5 years ago.  You know, the one who always gave me the hot and cold treatment.  But anyway, this girl is absolutely gorgeous, funny, great smile, and has the kind of sense of self I've always found attractive.  In short, pretty damn near perfect.  If she is single, I can only assume it's because she chooses to be.  Any guy would count his lucky stars to be dating her.

I assume that she knows who she is.  Especially if she's reading this right now.  I'd like to assume that if I knew her better or was closer in proximity to her, I'd ask her on a date, but given my seemingly uncanny ability to dither and second guess myself and routinely seize defeat from the jaws of victory, I can't exactly say that for certain.  Plus, I'm sure she has much better men to choose from.  I suppose I'll have to settle for an admiration from afar.

Such is the life of The Inexperienced Guy.