I really debated writing this. I'm not sure if I want to put these things down in writing and have people read it, especially the people of whom it speaks of.
There are two women right now who I very much like. One is the girl from "Becky" from this post. We lost touch for a few years but have recently reconnected via the internet. She's still very far away to the extent that unless she travels somewhere else I'll likely not see her in person. She has a bad internet connection so we'll likely not talk on Skype or anything either. A few months ago I did let her know how I felt and she rebuffed me rather bluntly (which I much prefer to being strung along). Nevertheless I still feel the same way about her. She's the most intellectually curious person I've ever met, the way she thinks about things just I don't know, I find it downright sexy. Yes she's good looking, but it's her personality that really draws me to her. If I were honest, I'd actually marry her if she accepted. It's the only woman I can honestly say that about. I'd gladly spend the rest of my life with her.
The other girl is someone I've never met in person. She lives far away, but not so far that it would be impossible to visit her hometown. She's smart, but not necessarily intellectual in the same way "Becky" is (at least not that I know of). But we have a lot of other stuff in common like sports and entertainment. We talk online, though not everyday and since she's knows the side of me that you see on this blog, I think I annoy her a little bit. Things aren't as light and fun as I'd like them to be. Unlike "Becky", I've never actually told this girl that I like her. I don't think she'd take it the same way since we don't have the in person rapport that "Becky" and I had. I can tell though from our interactions that she almost certainly doesn't feel the same way about me. And that's ok. She's young, she's got a good future ahead of her and despite what she says I am 100% certain she has a number of men who would love to date her.
So why am I writing this? Well, partly out of a need for catharsis. But also, because I wonder why I can't get over these two women or meet these type of women in real life.
The obvious answer to the first question is because I don't talk to many women in real life. So any who pay even the least bit of attention to me are likely to elicit this kind of response. But, I'm not satisfied with the "obvious" answer. I actually think that in an objective sense these two women are indeed special. Both are pretty, smart, have great personalities and are wonderful in general. I wouldn't be surprised if both women had a slew of men with crushes on them.
The answer to the second question is much related to the first. On the one hand, I don't meet these type of women because I don't meet very many women in general. But, at the same time, I think it's quite possible (even likely) that these women are so unique that I'm not likely to meet women like them even if I tried really hard to do so.
So I don't know. I hope I haven't freaked anyone out by writing this. The last think I need is to be some kind of creeper. I just needed to get this off my chest and hope that it's not too inappropriate.