Sunday, October 26, 2014

I May Never Wash These Hands Again

I'm kidding of course.  I don't want to help start an Ebola outbreak.  Or much more likely, the flu, common cold and all the other more common diseases.

Seriously though, it's been an interesting week for me.  Particularly the second half of the week.

Some of you already know, but on Thursday I had a discussion with "Becky" online.  It was an odd one, and ended on as odd a note as it began.  She told me she had something to tell me, and the way she said it made it sound like it was something serious.  I'm thinking at this point "dear God, she's going to tell me that she's getting married, and then I'll probably go barf up all the lunch I just ate".  Turns out she only wanted to tell me that she really cared about me and valued our friendship.  That she thinks about me "all the time" especially things I say to her that she later thinks about to make her feel better when she's feeling down.  All of that stuff is very heartwarming, but not quite what I hope for with her.  I told her the truth (which I've told her before) about how I'm glad she's in my life, even if she doesn't feel quite the same way about me as I do about her.  Which prompted her to tell me she's never really been in love, it takes a long time to fall for someone, etc.  By now it was time for me to go back to work as my lunch break was over.  And then she wrote "love u".  Whoa.

Now I come from the perspective that you don't just throw that out there casually, unless you put major caveats on it.  "Love you buddy" or "I love you like a best friend/brother/whatever", those are good ways to use the word "love" without adding all kinds of extra baggage to it.  But saying "love u" without any other context or explanation after the other person just got done saying that they were in love with you?  That's heavy stuff.  Also something I can check off my bucket list: having a girl tell you she loves you.

I followed up with her about it the next day.  I specifically asked her why we couldn't try to make a long distance relationship work.  She alleges (I didn't use the word "allege" with her though) to care about me, and I care about her, we have a lot in common, neither of us is dating anyone else, what's the hold up?  She informed me that she doesn't want a long distance relationship and can't know for sure if she really feels romantically about me until she sees me in person.  Tells me that she will eventually come to the US when her mother comes to visit family.  Doesn't know when that will be but if I'm still single we can see what happens then, but that I should not wait for her.  As much as I would love to believe that this means I can go meet her at the airport sometime in the future and whisk her off into the sunset with me, my gut tells me that this is just her way of telling me she's not interested without telling me so explicitly, and a way to avoid liability if I should "wait for her".  I still do lover her, even thought it would be for the best to walk away.  For whatever reason I just find myself unable to do so.

Now, for the really juicy stuff that you've all been waiting for.


On Wednesday, after chatting with a girl from a dating site for about a week, we exchanged phone numbers and I asked her out.  We met up at a Fall festival in our area.  I'm not going into explicit details in case she stumbles upon this blog (highly unlikely but you never know).  I will say though that she was a lot prettier in person than she was in her photos.  That's happened with pretty much every girl I've met from dating sites, so I was happy to see that trend continue.  Also, she had a lovely voice, I love accents and she had a sexy one.  She seemed kind, well rounded, interesting and smart.  All of the things that I tend to like in a woman.

I can also cross some other things off the bucket list.  We held hands.  I had already broken the "touch barrier" prior to this (touching her back, touching her leg when we were sitting and talking, etc.) so maybe that had warmed me up to it, or maybe I remembered all the reserved dates I went on when I didn't go for hand holding and wanted to, I don't know.  But I did it, and she didn't recoil in horror or pull her hand away or none of that.  That was amazing.  I tried to kiss her at the end of the date but she gave me her cheek instead.  That could be good or bad, it's really too early to tell.  She also said she was free this week to go out again.  So I will follow up with her and hopefully that works out.

I like her, and I don't want to compare her to Becky, because I think it's unfair to compare the two given the circumstances.  But no matter how it works out with this girl, I've made some major strides: first time I've ever kissed a girl (on the cheek, but still counts), and first time I've held hands with a girl.

One last thing.  If things do work out with this girl (or even if they work out with Becky), I want to make a promise to readers: I'm not going to turn into one of those douches who gets one girlfriend and is suddenly the expert on dating.  I don't know jack shit about dating.  I lucked into this date with this girl.  I have no clue in the slightest how to replicate that success.  I will continue to give opinion and sometimes advice from my perspective, but I will never claim to have any kind of authority on the subject of love and romance.  If I ever become that guy though, please copy and paste this paragraph and send it to me as a comment, tweet, email, or something.

Anyway, I'm not sure if this is the longest blog post I've had.  Maybe it is I'm not sure.  I just wanted to let you guys know that The Inexperienced Guy is slightly less experienced as of yesterday.

Enjoy your Sunday everyone.  :)


So much for the good vibes.  I was quite excited to call this girl tomorrow to ask her out again.  Unfortunately, I will never get the chance.   She texted me tonight to tell me she wasn't interested in a second date.  Something about having different personalities or whatever.  The specifics don't matter,  What matters is that there will not be another date with this girl.  I'm not broken up necessarily over one girl, it's that I feel like this is how everything ends.  Always.  Doesn't matter how well a date goes or how poorly.  There will always be a bad ending.  Always.

My shields are up.  I really can't go through this again.  One more time and I think I will have a psychotic break.

1 comment:

  1. aw :( not everything has to always have a bad ending. this doesnt necessarily mean an ending; it just means a pause (haitus kind of?) or an intermission. Rushing into it means regret and i think you should look at it as something you accomplished! Sometimes your walls are high so high so protect yourself from getting hurt, but ive learned that in the end thats what is hurting you - your walls are too high for others to climb over and help :)