Friday, November 21, 2014

Wow. It's Been Four Years

So I've been doing this for four years.  Yup.  Go check.  My first ever post on this blog was 11/21/2010.  I was in my last year of college.  I was really done with college at that point, I could have finished that summer instead of going a whole extra year.  Mentally, I had checked out already.  Didn't help my GPA of course.  Though, all things considered I did fine, could have done better, but also could have done worse.

It had been three months since Becky left to go back to her home country.  I had sent her an email that she never replied to, and for all I knew at the time I was never going to hear from her again.  In six months of being on Okcupid, I had gotten zero dates, and only three replies to my messages (one was a girl who told me she only wanted to date men from her culture but still agreed to add me on Facebook).  It was the Sunday before Thanksgiving, so it was right in that terrible time of year where it sucks to be single.

Three weeks after I wrote my first post my grandmother died.  The good grandmother, the one who actually cared about me and my family.  I don't "hate" my other grandmother, but it's clear that she's not a person that wants to spend time with other people.  So that was a pretty terrible time.  I'll tell you the story one day of why I feel like a piece of shit with regards to this, but for now I'll just leave it as is.

So, I was a 22 year old senior in college.  Most of my friends had graduated so it was basically just me on campus alone.  I hadn't really been on a real "date", hadn't kissed a girl, hadn't even held hands with a girl before, had zero post-college job prospects and graduation was fast approaching.  My grand plan of meeting some girl in one of my classes or just in school in general was fast becoming an unrealistic dream.

So I hope that paints a good picture of the setting.  The "fertile ground" in which this blog began.

When I started this blog, my hope was that I would post on here and that people would read and give me advice on what I should do.  School kind of interrupted my ability to post consistently, and I think by the spring I was at three or four posts and zero comments.  That's when I decided maybe I should record my activities and progress, with the eventual goal of acting as a blueprint for others in my shoes.  Like a science experiment, or a traveler's guide.  As the months and years stretched on I realized that was only going to fill up so many pages, especially given the lack of dates I was going on.  That's when I added commentary and social critique to the content here.  Helps bridge the gap between my failed dates.

Since I started the blog I've certainly made some progress.  I've been on some dates, I've actually held hands with a girl, and kissed a girl on the cheek, I've had a girl tell me she loved me (albeit not quite in the way I wanted her to love me but whatever), and I've told a girl I loved her.  I now have a full time salaried position with a stable company and I'm on the way towards having a more independent lifestyle.  Still though, I think I'm still in many ways the same guy.  The same guy who is unsure and shy, and insecure about himself.  I still wonder in the same way what a girl I'm interested in could possibly find attractive about me.  I'm not sure exactly how or when this will ever change.  It's something that has been with me for a long time.  I hope it's not part of who I am, but it definitely could be.

I also still find women of South Asian and Middle Eastern descent extremely attractive.  I don't think it's a fetish in the way that people have Asian fetishes or what have you.  It's not something I intentionally seek out, it's just a trend I've noticed.  I think it hurts me in that it limits my dating pool though ironically the only women who have ever even agreed to go out with me were of those descents, so I don't know.

It seems fitting that one of the blogs I follow (BrownGirlBloggin) is doing a reveal video as a probable retirement of her blog this coming week. This blog (my blog) is (hopefully) not forever.  I will end this blog when/if  I get a girlfriend.  I'll obviously not leave anyone hanging.  I'll write some wrap up posts, and a farewell as well as a place to find my current writing and a way to get in touch with me.  And I'll leave this blog up for anyone who wants to find it and read about my journey.  For now though that day has not arrived.  So fear not, The Inexperienced Guy is still here.

I've toyed from time to time with the idea of doing a "reveal" of my own.  The thing is though, this blog is anonymous for a good reason.  Very few of my friends know that I'm a completely inexperienced guy.  Most people think I'm a cool and calm, "manly man" who doesn't fret about how girls don't like him.  If I reveal myself, that all goes out the window.  That's not to say that no one knows how I look or who I am.  I've befriended one reader of this blog a year ago and would certainly reveal my identity to anyone else under the condition that they don't reveal my identity (unless it's to help me get a girlfriend, then I'm ok with it).  I've tried to befriend others with mixed success.  If you read this blog and you really do want to know who I really am, please drop me a line and I'll add you on Facebook or I'll send you a picture or something.

Suffice it to say, I've been here four years.  I'd really not like to be here for another four.  Hell, I'd like not to be here another four days.  But, I'm glad that if I have to be on this journey, that I have whoever is reading this along with me.  Thanks everyone, and I promise I'm not going anywhere.  At least not yet...

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