So it's been about seven and a half months since I last posted. Not much has changed. I'm still unemployed and completely unsure about what to do with my life. I've still never kissed a girl and I haven't been on a date in over a year and a half.
Online dating has sucked royally. I haven't met anyone and nobody really responds whenever I write to them. And whenever I see women out and about I'm way to nervous to talk to them. Ugh, such is life.
On the plus side though I think I've learned some things about myself. I think I still have oneitis for the girl I met back in college who I hung out with a lot. I think the fact that I haven't heard from her in two years plays a big part in that. I can pretty much romanticize her because she doesn't exist in any discernible reality of mine. That, and of course she has no competition from anyone else.
I've also learned that I'm particularly attracted to "brown" women. You know, Indian, Middle Eastern, even some Asian and Hispanic women. Something about skin, hair, differences in culture, sometimes even accents just turns me on. It's very rare that I find myself drawn to white women or black women in the ways that I'm almost always drawn to brown women. I don't mean any of this in a racist or fetish-type way though. It's just what I'm attracted to. On Okcupid, I have my search settings set to Indian and Middle Eastern women all the time. Even when I look up porn that's what I search for (as a side note, almost all "Arab" women in porn are from France and almost all the scenes involve anal sex which I find to be totally gross).
So I don't know. Here I am, inexperienced and with a very narrow subset of women that I find attractive. Maybe it's hopeless for me, but maybe it isn't.