Ask the Inexperienced Guy

Allison F. [last name redacted] asks: Hi!  I have a question.  When's the last time you felt confident around women?

Honestly?  Maybe first grade.  I don't know why or how this happened, but I've pretty much always felt nervous around women.  Even in elementary school.  Partly because I had acne, bad teeth, bad hair, glasses and I was fat until I was 15.  But none of that really mattered when I was 9 or 10 so why did I not have confidence?  Beats me.

During my senior year of high school I was able to overcome my lack of confidence a little bit.  Danced with a girl at homecoming and asked out another girl (she gave me the run around until I wised up).  But my lack of sustained success made me give up and hope that college would be much better/easier.

My mother would claim that it's because she failed as a parent to instill in me self esteem and adequate confidence.  To be honest though I received the same upbringing most of my Generation Y counterparts did: always told I was smart, good looking, could do anything in life, etc.  So I think that's a bunk theory.

You're free to come up with your own though and let me know.

Joanna writes: I am dating a guy who's also inexperienced.  We're both 19, how should I deal with this?  Should I bring it up and talk about it with him?  I really like him.

Well, you're both 19.  At 19 it's really not a big deal.  I'm sure a lot of his friends have probably done the deed but not enough for him to feel self-conscious about it.  Or at least he really shouldn't feel self conscious about it.

The biggest thing is to not call attention to it.  He probably wants a normal relationship that includes sex, not one that requires him to talk about his feelings and lack of experience all the time.  Just make sure he knows you like him and you're not weirded out by him or treating him like a baby because of his inexperience.

I hope that helps.

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