Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Going Nowhere in Life

If you're looking for a cute or witty post, something with humor or some kind of redeeming educational value, I suggest you not read this one.  Go through the archives and find one that better fits your needs.  This is going to be a rather negative, soul crushing post.  Read at your own peril.

Roughly 3 weeks ago I turned 26.  Birthdays I suppose, are usually a cause for celebration.  I lived to see another year after all.  And I'm healthy enough to appreciate that.

But this year I've turned the corner.  I'm now closer to 30 than I am to 20.  That's scary.  Not only because it means I'm getting older, but because I seem to have stagnated in my progression as an adult.  Just to take stock for those of you late to the party that is this blog: as of today April 16, 2014, I am a 26 year old male who has never held a paying job outside of retail sales (not even management), I've never lived away from my parents' house, I've never been in a romantic relationship, I've never had sex (or even kissed a girl), vacationed on my own, and I've never had a credit card (or any line of credit aside from student loans), among other adult type things I'm sure I've never done.  About the only adult things I have done is pay for my student loans, cell phone bill, gas for my car, and my car insurance.  Oh and I can cook and clean (in a very limited capacity though I might add).

When I started this blog in late 2010 I was a senior in college.  Looking through my posts on here as well as posts of mine from message boards I post on, I am in the same position today as I was roughly three and a half years ago.  In essence, I'm going nowhere in life.

I think about this from time to time and I wonder: what girl in her right mind would want to date someone like me?  I'm clearly bad at being attractive, I have no career, no "thing" that defines who I am, I don't make enough money to be independent, and I must have no ambition or else I wouldn't be where I am.  If there was ever a poster child for "loser" I'm it.

I know some of you will try to put a positive spin on this.  Tell me I'm a good guy or whatever.  But honestly I can't see a single positive point about anything meaningful in my life.  I'm not suicidal, mostly because I'd like to live long enough to see my favorite baseball team win the World Series, and I'd like to see the ending to Game of Thrones (whenever that is), but I don't see the value of my life.  Growing up I thought for sure that by 26 I'd be getting ready to think about marriage, have a career, maybe a house, stuff like that.  I am so far away from those things to make them so completely unlikely.

I don't see anything as an opportunity anymore.  I see them as chances for me to fail.  Women who aren't interested, HR people who will just throw my application in the trash as soon as they see  it, etc.

I have failed the game of life.

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