Friday, August 15, 2014

How You See Yourself

It's hard for me to see myself as someone somebody might be attracted to.  It's not so much that I feel like I'm "ugly", rather I see myself as "unattractive".  I've had people (men and women) tell me I'm funny, or smart, or good looking but that's never translated into anyone being sexually or romantically into me.

It's one of those things that's hard to put a finger on.  Unlike being fat, or having bad hair or social anxiety or some other noticeable trait, it's hard to correct the problem.

Some of the advice I get is usually telling me to get a career and move out of my parents house.  And while I agree that those things can't hurt, I'm skeptical that those things alone prevent me from having a happy dating life.  I have friends who dated while living with their parents, and at one point I was in college while living at home, which is not all that unusual.  So I don't think I can lay the blame only on those factors.

The other kind of advice I get is to "put yourself out there more".  I'm not a homebody.  I have friends and I do stuff.  The past two weekends I haven't spent more than an hour total at home.  It's hard to have more of a lively life than I do now.

A few weeks back a friend of mine asked his wife to invite one of her friends to hang out with us.  The implication of course being that hopefully I'd meet her and hit it off.  Thing is, I've heard variations of this before.  "There's this girl you should meet" is a phrase that gets bandied about from time to time.  Nothing ever actually happens though.  I don't want to be that desperate guy begging his friends to fix him up with someone and I feel like if they were really serious about it they'd do it anyway without prompting.

All of this really feeds into what I wrote at the top.  If I was really sexually attractive wouldn't I have an easier time with this whole thing?  People always talk about how easy getting sex and relationships are in this day and age compared to the past, but that's not been my experience.

Ladies, some guys are just not confident.  We've never had a girl like us so we have no idea how it feels or how to tell.  It's a much safer bet to assume disinterest and go from there.  So you might think you're giving us hints but we're not very good at interpreting them.

What this means for me?  I don't know.  There's a girl I've grown to like over the past few months (though I still have feelings for "Becky") whom I haven't yet asked out because we work together.  When I get a new job I may ask her out, but I have zero percent confidence that she'll say yes.  I mean why would she?  I like her, which means she doesn't like me.  At all.  In fact she probably barely tolerates my presence.

I'm sure this is unhealthy, but what can I do?

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