Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Why Life Sucks Lately

It's getting a little uncomfortable to do certain things lately.

Facebook over the past few weeks has been full of people posting status updates or pictures declaring that they are now married or engaged to their significant other.  I'm not friends with very many ancient people, so these are all people who are my age.  A few years ago when I saw some people I knew on Facebook getting married or engaged I just kind of rolled my eyes.  21 or 22 is still a little early to be getting married, especially if you haven't even finished college yet. Now, at 26 and staring down the barrel at 30 it's not so foolish to be settling down.  The people getting married have either finished their schooling or are in a job that is reasonably stable and allows them to make a firm commitment to the person they're dating.  But seeing all of this, it really makes me feel behind in my personal development as an adult.

The other painful thing is going to baseball games.  Baseball is my favorite sport to watch in person.  It beats football and basketball in that regard (I'm not a hockey fan so I have no idea how hockey is live vs on TV).  And the stadium my favorite team plays in is one of the best in all of baseball; it's not just me saying that as a fan, it's routinely listed in the top five by "neutral" observers.  So I love going, but it's becoming hard to handle.  Why?  Because every time I go I see plenty of happy couples.  People going to the game and enjoying themselves and holding hands or dancing with each other in a goofy way during the 7th inning stretch, etc.  And it just drives home the fact that I am in fact a loser who can't even consistently get dates, yet lots of people apparently can find girlfriends.  It's a very similar phenomenon to going to the grocery store, except there are times during the week that you can go grocery shopping without running into young couples (or any couples).  There's really no time you can go to a baseball game and not run into them.

The latter of these two issues has become a big concern for me as of late.  Me, my father, and my brother have season tickets (a 13 game plan) but when my brother changed jobs he wasn't able to get all of the game dates off, so there's been two games so far that he hasn't been able to attend.  I tried to find friends of mine to go but nobody wanted to nor could get free.  This coming Saturday is another such occasion, except now my father cannot attend either.  So I'm left with two tickets that I could in theory sell and give the money to my father and my brother, or sell to friends of mine, or sell one and take a girl on a date with the other.  Except, there is honestly not one girl that I know who would go if invited.  That is an extremely sad fact.  And it just goes back to my loser status.  A young, single, supposedly alright guy, can't find a girl to go to a baseball game?  What a big fat loser.

I know a few of you might read this and say "you're being too hard on yourself".  But am I?  I'm 26 and while plenty of people around me have girlfriends, wives, fiances, etc. I have yet to even kiss a single girl.  Let that sink in.  Never.  The proof is in the pudding, so to speak.  Irrational positivity might feel good, but it's still irrational.

So I don't know.  I want to be optimistic, but I'm finding a lot of reasons not to be.  And very few reasons to be.

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